I have been in teaching, training and coaching for the best of 25 years and I know what it is that everyone wants. Including myself.
We want an easy life. Right?
We want the partner who’s just right for us, and live happily ever after. We want the secret to perfect parenting, and have great kids, with very few scenes and drama. We want the job or business that suits our soul purpose (oh, and of course we want to find out what that is, too, our soul purpose) so we are happy and fulfilled in our work every day, and very successful too. We want to be good communicators so we can influence people – but in a pleasant way, so everybody still likes us. We want the perfect body – slim, toned, healthy and athletic. Oh and while were at it, with the perfect wardrobe to match – in our season type colours.
Of course, very few of us pull this off. But we still want it, AND think it must be possible. And so we go on the internet to find courses and coaches that teach us how to have the perfect, easy life.
And they are out there, right? The 7-step formulas and coaching packages that help us get exactly what we dream of. The coaches show us pictures and share their blogposts of their before and after. They did it! They went from depression to bliss, from rags to riches, from struggling to successful, from slob to killer body!
What’s more, they tell you that ‘If I can do it, so can you’.
So what is wrong with you? Why are you, after signing up for their program, forking out the cash and going through their process, still the stumbling and falling, doubtful and fearful old you, getting it right one day only to get it so terribly wrong the next, full of hopes and good intentions, but undisciplined, lazy and too attached to comfort much of the time.
O.k., so here’s the thing.
There is something we just don’t like to hear, and this is it: there is no such thing as an easy, perfect life. Sure, you can lose weight if you give it your all. And one person is definitely a better match than the other when it comes to romantic relationships (though your own inner workings are probably more determining than anything). You can learn better communication skills, of course. But you don’t get to decide how other people communicate, and how that triggers you. And no matter how swimmingly you get on with your kids, that doesn’t mean they won’t fall from a tree, be tempted to try drugs or get into trouble.
All the money, knowledge, tight abs and business success in the world won’t save you from loss, disease, change, impermanence, death.
There is no avoiding discomfort and pain. (God I just love being the bringer of good tidings!).
If you’re a coach or therapist, like me, of course you know this (and if you’re not a coach you probably do too, from first hand experience).
Yet we keep falling into the trap. The trap of believing it should be possible.
The trap of believing we should be able to help our clients and students live an easy life. To solve this thing, this discomfort, this painful messiness.
What else is there to offer them?
Or ourselves, for that matter?
But you know that too. It’s not glamorous, but it’s the most beautiful thing.
It’s the only thing.
It’s loving what is.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Not just in our circumstances, but in our very own mind, body, heart and soul.
And that is no small task.
We are hard-wired to dislike and avoid the uncomfortable and the painful.
We are human. We are built for survival, not happiness. Ironically, our survival system gets in the way of our happiness.
But here lies the key.
Learning to allow life to be exactly as it is, ourselves to be exactly as we are, is the entrance to a real life. It is the portal to real love, from where real change can occur.
And the learning on this path never stops, not even when you are a coach, or perhaps especially if you are a coach.
If you want to find out how you can continue your development on this path, let’s chat. I’ve opened up some spots in my calendar – no strings attached, no costs involved.
To schedule a chat click here.