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You can only change you… is that true?

3 May 2018 • Coaching, Leadership

I am still on Facebook people. I say this, because a comment on Facebook induced this blog.

So if you’d like to connect:

https://www.facebook.com/karinbosveld
https://www.facebook.com/leadingwithsoul
https://www.facebook.com/karinscottage.nl
https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakeningwisewomen

Welcome!

But. Anyway. I had enthusiastically posted on Facebook after I’d witnessed some magnificent breakthroughs in clients after only a few sessions. It was a somewhat promotional post – I said at the end you can pm me if you want to discuss what transformation could be possible for you (or something along those lines). I got some thumbs and kind comments, and one guy reacted: ‘This just costs money. You can only change yourself.’

I was slightly triggered, by both comments. But I’ll step over the money bit for now.
You can only change yourself.
Is that true?

To start with: the comment is too general to simply agree or disagree with. What kind of change are we talking about? Your circumstances? Physical change? A change in beliefs? Or awareness?

On one level, change just happens. It’s a given. Each time you look in the mirror what you see will be different (unless you need glasses – oh my what wrinkles I noticed when I finally gave in to that truth). And yes, that change only you can ‘do’, but honestly, that really doesn’t need much of your doing. All you need to do is breathe, and that’s not really something you consciously do.

Circumstances – some you can change, some you can’t. Wisdom lies in knowing which is which.
You beliefs – if they never change, chances are not much will change in your life in general. Every apparent change will have some familiar elements. Because how you look at the world doesn’t change.
And can you change your beliefs by yourself?
Mmmmmm…
You cannot see what you cannot see.

Very often, you are not aware that you have certain beliefs, because they are unconscious. How should you know? Not until you run into the limitations they put on your life, you can start looking for their origin and loosen their grip. But how do you run into these limitations? What makes it uncomfortable? And how do you start uncovering?
Through others, right?
People who mirror you, confront you – more or less lovingly.

And you know what: change and growth are uncomfortable. Our system likes comfort (= safety). And so when life invites us too look beyond our boundaries, even go beyond our boundaries, chances are something inside will recoil and try to keep it from happening.
So even if we know we’d better change, and even though we want to, actually doing so is not always easy, because we naturally crave our comfort zone.

So no, I don’t believe we can only change ourselves. Sure enough, we’re the ones who need to do the work. But we need some mirrors, some sparring partners and save havens along the way.
I would not be where I am now, if I had not had those, and did not continue to look for them.

You’re welcome in my space if you need one.

p.s. I offer free 30-minute sessions to those who want to explore their possibilities. You’ll always come out with 1 or 2 insights, guaranteed. So email me at: karin at karinbosveld dot com. (only available if you have not done an exploratory session before)

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