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The one thing you need in order to change

1 June 2017 • Coaching, Compassion

I can hardly remember a time when I wasn’t enrolled in some course, training, qualification trajectory or self-study program.
All good and well; I take my personal and professional development seriously and want to offer high value and quality to my clients.

However, at a deeper level, I know there is a shadow side to all this.

Although much of the time I’m not aware of a very loud and obnoxious inner critic, there is a subtle ‘voice’ if you like, a soft undertone of ‘you are not there yet’, ‘you are not good enough yet’, ‘you need to improve’.

Something in me believes I need to get better before I am what I need to be. And although that sounds like a great motivator, it isn’t really.
Because this voice is never satisfied. I’m never ‘there’. After one course, there is always a next. And a next. This subtle voice is never satisfied because deep down it is convinced I am simply not good enough.

No matter what I do.

I know that many of you are driven by a will to please, with an underlying conviction that whomever needs to be pleased never will be.
It is a bottomless pit that we’re throwing our efforts into.

And do you know why it’s bottomless?

Because the only thing that can fill up that well, is self-acceptance.
Self-love.

Nothing else.
No amount of learning, no amount of knowledge, no amount of qualifications, no amount of love, reassurance, praise and acknowledgement from other people will fill it up, because they do not meet with a resonant ‘yes’ inside you.

And so, if you want to change ANYTHING in your life, in your behaviour, in your habits, your patterns… you need to start with accepting yourself and loving yourself exactly as you are now.
Why?
Because only when we feel loved and accepted, can we relax enough to want to stretch our comfort zone, to look beyond our patterns and habits.
A safe environment nurtures growth. As long as we are beating ourselves up inside, there is a danger sign that will keep us – even if it’s only very subtly – in survival mode.

When we are loved, we can relax, and THEN we can change, grow, learn, develop, expand.

Self-love is what I’m teaching in a 9-week Mindful Self-Compassion course in Amsterdam right now.
I’ve had questions about whether I could teach this online, and 1-on-1.
Let me know (in the comments or using the contact form) if this is something you’re interested in, so I can start thinking about an offer.

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