In earlier times, on a dark day, I would think that most people’s lives were normal, and only mine wasn’t. I’d think that regular girls dated regular boys, married the right one, got the right job, bought the right house and got the right amount of cute and intelligent kids. Whereas I was dating all the wrong guys, tried to settle down but failed, couldn’t settle on what I wanted to be until well into my forties, never built anything remotely looking like a career anyway, and moved too many times to really become part of a community anywhere (and wasn’t much good at that anyway, being an inveterate introvert).
In short, my life differed quite substantially from what is considered normal, and, more importantly successful, by most people.
Quite a few of my clients have similar stories – and hang-ups. The mirror they look in shows them an unfavourable picture of themselves.
A woman who doesn’t have her shit together.
A woman who’s not normal.
For all kinds of reasons – she can’t find her true calling, can’t find the right guy, finds motherhood complicated, thought she followed her heart yet doesn’t feel happy…
And worst of all, this woman is, in many cases, a coach, a trainer, a teacher, a social worker, a doctor…. someone who helps people live normal lives! Who counsels and gives advice, so that people can thrive in our society.
So she should know, right? She should be a role model, the epitome of normality.
But ‘normal’ is whatever was agreed upon in the prevailing culture. And that is, in turn, determined by the state of consciousness of the majority of its people and the beliefs they cherish. In other words, normal doesn’t exist except in people’s minds and by decree of your culture.
When your consciousness expands, you may find you’re no longer automatically endorsing the rules of ‘normal’. However, part of you will want to live by those rules, since we’re security-driven. And belonging to our community is of course all about security.
So don’t judge yourself if you find yourself in this quandary. Of course you want to belong and to fit in. But your nature is probably driving you to dig deep – you are interested in human psychology, in self-development – so you’re bound to run into your beliefs and patterns and see them mirrored in your life. So that you can work them out and be the teacher you came here to be. It’s in the nature of your calling.
This isn’t always fun, let alone easy. Tell me about it!
But what it asks of you, is that you embrace your calling, your path, and do your inner work so that you can be that teacher. If you can see this and welcome it, it does not only make your life easier, it also connects you to your soul’s purpose and propels you on a journey where ‘normal’ need no longer be a determining factor in your life, because as your consciousness expands, there is no such thing as a fixed normal.
Finding yourself in messes potentially teaches you invaluable lessons, such as flexibility, open-mindedness, non-judgement. Qualities that equip you to be the best of teachers.
My gift for you: cheat sheet for coaches
If you’d like some help on your way to becoming that excellent coach and teacher, I’ve created my free Cheat Sheet for Coaches. Get it here.
Supervision (work coaching)
And of course if you want to work more in depth on your development and confidence as a coach, trainer, therapist or other profession in the humanities, you could consider supervision.
Find out all about it here (Dutch page).
The English page is under construction and will be available soon.